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Thursday, October 7, 2010

11/24 Pumpkin Ale, Great Lakes Brewery (Bottle).

Reviewed on October 8, 2010

How long has it... nevermind that. I want to rate Puumpkin Ale, by Great Lakes Brewery before the frothy head disappears!

First Impression: 3/6... From the cold, tall bottle that sat in my fridge, out poured an orangey, frothy, slightly gas (but certainly bubbly) product that smelled as sweet and spicy as a festive beer should. It's been four minutes and the head still lingers. That's what I call protection from the air. Nobody wants toxic air in their beverage, am I right? eh? It certainly reminds me that the time will soon come when average girls put on slutty costumes, and the guys... well we can put on just about anything we want. It's our personality that counts, right? In case I'm wrong I'd better stuff my crotch again this year, but I digress. And here comes the first tug...
Does my tongue deceive me? Did I miss the flavour? Oh...oh... there it is: I taste pennies at the back of my throat and betweem my cheeks. Unless it came from a bad pumpkin patch, I'd say that this beer is nothing more than the aftertaste of lead piping. I honestly had a 5/6 up there a moment ago, but yeah, second swig and all I taste is eavestrough a number of days after a rainstorm (just think about how that might taste for a moment and you'll get it). How unfortunate. How disappointing. Should those sentences have ended with a question mark, or was the period a proper use of punctuation???


Speed Rating: 1/6... 650ml and I don't want it! At least it isn't light beer... or Excel. blech!!!

Intangibles: 6/6... I'm at home-sweet-home, sitting on a wonderful barstool in my clean kitchen. The house is cold, but so was the fridge, so that's nice. I just finished writing a ridiculous paper for my Cognitive Psychotherapy class, which should (but didn't) make this beer go down much sweeter, and I started my day off with a sex-dream... well, no sex, but lots of kissing. Does that not deserve a 6/6?

Overall Effect: 1/6... I feel like I just brushed my teeth and then drank a jug of orange juice. What's the deal with this beer? I'm willing to go out and pick up another one, just to see if it wasn't just a bad bottle. Because seriously, who would make such a gawdawful beer?!?punctuation mark!?!!

Total: 11/24
Level of Drunkness: 0

Better luck next time Great Lakes Pumpkin Ale.

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