5.5/24 Rickard’s White
Rickard’s White is their new wheat beer, garnished with an orange slice.
2.5/6 First Impression: The product has a light yellow / off white colour to it, with a good inch and a half of head. Though served in a generic glass without a label, the crispness quickly stimulates your palette; making you want to waste no more time before downing it.
The aroma is pleasant, consisting of the standard scents wheat beers generally offer (such as coriander); however most of those scents were masked by the heavy odour of the embarrassingly large slice of orange placed on the glass’s rim. The overpowering citrus seemed to almost ruin the natural scent of the beer. I was instructed to squeeze the orange juice into the beer, but I thought to hold off on that until I had made an opinion on the beer by itself.
The beer was very light tasting (though I may be comparing this to a Hoegaarden, or a Blanche de Chambley), and had a fizzy, soda-like finish. There was a slight bitterness to it as well. Adding the juice of the orange made the beer sweeter, and changed the flavour all together. Even with the added citrus, there was a certain lack of flavour all together, as though the company did not allow the beer to brew long enough. My best analogy would be when you dip a tea bag into hot water for only a second or two: You can still taste the Earl Grey, but it is weak and barely enjoyable.
The only reason I gave this category as many points as I did, was because the shear thought of getting to try a new wheat beer was quite stimulating. Before the beer hit my lips I was as gitty as a fly on sh*t; excited that I would beer rating a new, wonderful beer.
0/6 Speed : There is no way that even on a hot day on a patio, after working hard labour for 12 hours, could I pound this 20oz beverage down. I would even say that after a while the taste becomes slightly offensive. It is the fizziness that interrupts the flavour, even though the flavour itself is already not very potent. I feel like I’m drinking soda water made from Lake Ontario.
2/6 Intangibles: So as not to insult the bartender more than I have to, I will merely say that she was unattractive. Being served a beverage in a crappy generic glass by an unkept, homely looking female does not add to the experience in the slightest. The bar itself was a cookie-cutter Fox’n’Firkin’n’Fiddle’n’Philthy’s, which rates an exact 5/10 on my tavern’o’meter.
Furthermore, the extremely obvious attempt to keep up with the Jones’s by the Rickard’s enterprise has brought their other products down a notch in my books. I can imagine a board meeting in their head office after the CEO’s give their lackey’s their new assignment: We need a new flavour. Go fetch me a beer that is not like the others, but not unheard of in the urban culture; I dunno, get me something from Europe. They’re always setting the trends, right? Then the new intern presents his idea using power point. He shows the Hoegaarden wheat beer, with it’s lemon twist in it, then proceeds to the Blanche de Chambley and its lemon slice along the side of its slender glass. He then says, okay, so, imagine Rickard’s… White!
Then the CEO’s roar in unison, ‘We love it! Go and rip off their recipe and get us a wheat beer… And don’t waste any time with the subtleties, we just want it to mildly taste like beer.’
I’ll give this category 2 pity points, since I normally love wheat beers, and their attempt at trying to add a good flavour to their repertoire was at least a gallant effort. And now I can say, ‘yeah, I love this Blanche de Chambley. It’s so much better than those other crappy wheat beers.’
1/6 Overall experience: I would not order this product again if a gun was put to my head. Even if Mila Kunis, Erica Durance, Carmen Electra, Brooke Burke, Jenna Jameson, Tara Reid, Angelina Jolie, Teri Hatcher (ten years ago), Jaime Pressly, Beyonce Knowles, Jessica Alba, Taryn Manning, Charlize Theron, Cameron Diaz, Keira Knightly, Eva Longoria, and Devon Aoki said that they would have a dirty, all day orgy with me if I just drank a whole pint of the stuff, I still wouldn’t drink it. Maybe if they added Lucy Lui, and Kristen Kreuk I would do it.
I’d better order some fries and gravy quick… And a DIFFERENT beer!
0/6 Intoxication Level: As it was my first drink of the night, I was completely sober. Besides, you’d have to be at least a 5/6 to order it again.